Parece que mis vacaciones se han tranquilizado un poco; tengo la oportunidad de recostarme en cama a escribir dentro de un espacio de tiempo entre melancólico y feliz. Hoy despido a parte de mi familia que regresó a casa y me quedo con la otra compartiendo un chocolate caliente a sorbos lentos y tristes pues sentimos que a vuelta de esquina están ya las obligaciones. Aterriza la burbuja mágica de apretujarnos en familia en la cena de Noche Buena y el recalentado de Navidad; de desayunar a mediodía, rentar películas y verlas hasta el amanecer, y pasear a los lugares de siempre pero nunca iguales porque ahora vamos todos. Pero me quedo con la parte más preciada, esa que siempre está presente en mi corazón aunque pasen las fiestas de fin de año: Agradecer de nuevo a Dios, y por siempre alabar, se haya humillado a venir a tierra a amarnos hasta la cruz en Cristo hombre. Este es el mejor regalo que jamás haya abierto.
Y viene el fin de año, y pido ser valiente. Estas palabras a veces cuestan, y tal vez todo, pero aun así pasan los días y me doy cuenta que no hay otra forma de vivir de un creyente. Después de todo, y al final, mi tesoro por el cual debo pelear jamás estuvo aquí.
Animémonos a ser valientes, a pedir perdón de corazón y a levantarnos. Un sincero abrazo para este 2011.
Foto: http://gizmodo.com/5439797/25-shots-of-a-happy-new-year
Vengo de un padre despistado, pero sólo en lo común. No le confíes mucho el código ultra secreto de tu caja fuerte porque seguro en un par de minutos lo olvidará, pero sí derrama en sus manos tu espíritu. Ese nunca lo soltará. Sabrá qué aconsejarte y dónde encontrar la solución. Con frecuencia sabe qué viene pues reside en él un corazón sabio. Es un hombre de pocas palabras, pero cuando las deja salir, es porque importan.
Me crió una madre de manos amorosas, de espíritu noble. Ella es mi vivo ejemplo que más valor cobra el mundo con el servicio de las personas que sirven de todo corazón en lo oculto que el lleno de palabras fatuas de eruditos con miles de distinciones oxidadas y empolvadas. No es de palabras condescendientes y así logra añores tenerla toda una vida.
Crecí junto a una hermana muy inquieta, un perfecto y delicado torbellino por doquier. Pero en medio del caos, encuentras en su centro, en el ojo, un mundo lleno de humildad y amistad. Privilegio es que te invite la acompañes en sus aventuras. Son experiencias que nunca olvidas. A ella le corresponde hacer sonreír los corazones. El mío cuando menos, lo hace constantemente a su lado.
De la más pequeña me separa más de una generación y siento como si no hace mucho la empezara a conocer. Sólo estaba en posición de asegurar en aquel entonces que la podías sobornar con un chocolate. Un See’s de preferencia. Pero ahora redescubro una mujer audaz y dispuesta. Me emociona contemplar su colorido, plástico, tridimensional, abstracto, etc., camino por recorrer. Pues a ella le gusta todo esto.
Y provengo de un Dios vivo que ha decidido regalarme “un pedazo de cielo” en esta tierra con esta mi familia. Hace varios años alguien me dijo esto y espero nunca olvidarlo.
Uno de los símbolos navideños más atacado por algunas sectas y aún por algunos cristianos es el árbol de Navidad. La acusación central es que muchas civilizaciones del pasado adoraban o incluían árboles en su tradición mitológica. En la antigua Babilonia, por ejemplo, se usaba un árbol como parte de una liturgia relacionada con el mito de la resurrección de Tammuz, una deidad pagana. Debido a esto, concluyen algunos, que el árbol de Navidad es pagano y se debe considerar como una ofensa a Dios. ¿Es válido este argumento?
En realidad el razonamiento por el cual se llega a esta conclusión es erróneo. Lo único que prueba es que en tales ocasiones se utilizaba un árbol. En el estudio de la lógica esto se conoce como la falacia de culpabilidad por asociación. En otras palabras, el árbol de Navidad es declarado culpable simplemente porque un árbol se utilizaba en una celebración pagana.
Lo que debemos entender es que ciertas semejanzas en costumbres, tradiciones o ceremonias, no necesariamente implican semejanzas en el pensamiento o en el contenido. Permítanos usar una ilustración: cuando un cacique de los indios tarianos en el alto Amazonas muere, lo incineran y luego la tribu participa en una ceremonia donde se beben las cenizas de sus huesos mezcladas con vino. Ellos piensan que al beber la poción adquieren así el poder y la virtud del fallecido. Ceremonias como ésta son comunes en el mundo y en la historia. En algunas de ellas se llega hasta beber sangre. La pregunta que surge es, ¿mancha esto de paganismo la celebración que los cristianos conocemos como la Santa Cena o Cena del Señor? ¡Claro que no! Como tampoco el uso de un árbol en un rito pagano invalida el uso del árbol en la tradición navideña cristiana.
Aún suponiendo que la costumbre del árbol de Navidad hubiera sido tomada directamente de una ceremonia pagana (lo cual no es cierto), cuando el cristianismo le atribuye otro significado, la conexión con el paganismo queda cancelada.
Algunos hermanos, incluso alguno que se supone son maestros de la Palabra, han llegado a utilizar textos bíblicos aislados de los que omiten el contexto para justificar la aversión por el árbol de Navidad.
Uno de los pasajes más usados es Jeremías 10:1-5, donde Dios condena la creación de ídolos hechos de los árboles del bosque. Asociar el árbol de Navidad con este pasaje es leer en el texto algo que no existe, lo que constituye una violación de las reglas de la interpretación bíblica. Además, el sentido común nos indica que el contexto del pasaje no puede tener ninguna conexión con la Navidad ni con el árbol, ya que la tradición del árbol comenzó en Alemania aproximadamente dos mil años más tarde en el siglo XVI.
Jeremías no está profetizando acerca del paganismo a 2000 años de distancia en el futuro, sino denunciando la idolatría desenfrenada de su época. El profeta escribe a sus contemporáneos cautivos en Babilonia y los insta a mantenerse incontaminados del ambiente pagano que los rodeaba. Ninguna interpretación bíblica legítima permite el torcimiento de este pasaje con el propósito de asociarlo con el árbol de Navidad.
Pero alguien puede preguntar, ¿por qué se habla de adornar un árbol en este pasaje? Obviamente el pasaje no tiene nada que ver con decorar un árbol. La advertencia está relacionada con esculpir un ídolo con la madera del árbol (v.3). Mientras que los ricos podían fabricar ídolos de metales preciosos, los pobres tenían que contentarse con hacerlos de madera (Is. 40:19-20). La referencia a que son adornados con plata y oro es clara referencia en el idioma original a que el ídolo tallado del leño era laminado o cubierto con los metales preciosos (vv. 4, 9).
Es posible que aún alguien pueda objetar, ¿por qué Jeremías usa la palabra “leño” para referirse a un ídolo (v. 8)? Respuesta: El profeta está usando aquí una figura literaria llamada sinécdoque, en la cual se le da al producto terminado el mismo nombre del material usado en la fabricación. El leño se usa para esculpir un ídolo, y al ídolo una vez terminado, se le continúa llamando “leño”. De la misma forma, la Biblia llama “madero” a la cruz donde murió Cristo, porque la materia prima que se usaba para hacer una cruz era un madero.
La creación del árbol de Navidad fue el resultado de la combinación de dos símbolosde matiz espiritual. El primero fue el árbol del paraíso, adornado con manzanas, que representaba el árbol de la Vida (Gn. 2:9; 3:24). El segundo fue una repisa triangular decorada con motivos navideños, entre ellos la estrella que guió a los magos desde el oriente hasta Judea. De la combinación de estos símbolos, ambos de contenido espiritual, nació el árbol de Navidad. La tradición le adjudica a Martín Lutero la idea de agregarle luces, representando a Jesucristo, la luz del mundo. Como vemos, el origen del árbol de Navidad no tiene nada que ver con el paganismo ni con la idolatría.
Sin embargo, a pesar de lo ya expuesto, nosotros respetamos la posición de aquellos que ven en el árbol de Navidad algo incompatible con la fe cristiana. Así mismo exhortamos a estos hermanos a no juzgar a aquellos que incorporan el árbol a sus celebraciones. Los cristianos no debemos enfocarnos en diferencias de aspecto secundario, lo que en nada edifica, y por el contrario, ocasiona contiendas.
By Mark Driscoll
There are enumerable examples of bad teaching. I’ll give you ten ways in which the doctrine of suffering is mistaught, thereby corrupting your instinct to use it for a witness.
There is something called faith teaching, which is actually faithless teaching. It is unfaithful teaching which says, “If you have enough faith, you won’t get sick and you won’t be broke. You’ll be healthy and wealthy.” The logical conclusion is that if someone is suffering as a Christian, we should not comfort them. We should rebuke them because they are sin and if they had enough faith, they would be rich and healthy; yet, we see in Scripture there are people who have great faith in God, like Job, Paul and Jesus Christ who is God himself, and they suffer. They also experience poverty, hardship, loneliness, and they weep.
The sickest example I can give you from my own experience was a pastor that I knew of who taught, “If you have enough faith, you will not get sick and you will be healthy”, until his wife was diagnosed with terminal cancer and he was left with a dilemma. “Should I change my theology, which is wrong and comfort my wife or will I hold to my erroneous theology and rebuke her for her cancer?” And I grievously report to you that that man publically rebuked his own wife for not having enough faith to beat cancer as she was dying. That is demonic.
My fear is when I teach on suffering, all who have or are suffering will simply declare, “I am suffering. Therefore, I’m like Jesus.” No, you’re not. Jesus was without sin. You and I, we have tons of sin. And, sometimes, we suffer because of our sin, right? If you disrespect your boss, you will suffer unemployment. Right? If you are cruel to your spouse, you will suffer a divorce. If you eat and drink too much, you will suffer physical ailment. And in those moments, you can’t say, “I’m like Jesus.” You can’t. You must say, “I’ve sinned and I’ve reaped what I’ve sewn.
God can discipline his people and punish non-Christians for sin, but there is not always a correlation between suffering and a sin. There is an example in the Bible where a man is born blind and some followers of Jesus ask him, “Is he blind because of his parent’s sin or his sin?” Jesus says, “Neither. He’s blind that the glory of God might be revealed in him.” God is doing something altogether different with that man, and his suffering is purposeful, not purposeless, but it’s not the consequence of anyone’s sin.
The early church had some erroneous teaching where probably well meaning Christians realize, “Suffering purifies us and identifies us with Jesus”; therefore, they tried to suffer. They pursued suffering. Some of you do. You deny yourself Godly pleasure. You deny yourself any sort of fun or joy. When there is a conflict or a difficulty, you insert yourself that you might have something that is painful so that you might use it to be sanctified. And while it looks holy, it’s unholy. It’s pride which says, “I do not trust God to bring into my life his divine appointments of suffering. Therefore, I will help him by pursuing my own.”
We would not encourage anyone to pursue suffering. What we are saying is when it comes, either from the hand of God or through the hand of God, when it comes, suffer well. Suffer well.
Some of you make your decisions based upon, “What will be the path of least resistance? What will cause the least conflict, least pain, least friction, least hardship, least suffering? Then that’s what I’ll do.” And, sometimes, God calls us to hardship. Sometimes, God calls us to pain. Sometimes, God calls us to suffering. And had Jesus chosen the path without suffering, we would be dead in our sins and he would not have left the comforts of Heaven to come into the suffering of the earth.
One author says it well. He says, “I would rather have a bumpy ride to Heaven than a smooth ride to hell.” And I think he’s right.
I hear some Christians who are unrepentant. They will sin and then God uses it for something good and they say, “Well, I know it wasn’t that great, but God used it so it must be okay with God.”
I’ll give you one example. I was having a terse dialogue with a father who, literally, growing up, beat his sons. And he said, “Well, they grew up to be good boys, and they’re strong, and they’re masculine, and they have dignity, and they have courage, and they have toughness, so, you know, the beating wasn’t a bad thing.” I said, “That is a testimony to the goodness of God the Father, not to you as their father. That you are a wicked, evil, sinful man who did an atrocious thing in beating his sons. And if you don’t repent of that, you will go to hell because unrepentant people go to hell and you are a man who’s living an unrepentant life of all of your sin, and you keep making stupid theological arguments like, “Well, God used it, so he must think it was fine.” Just because God uses something, that doesn’t justify the sin. That means that God is good, even when we are bad, but that does not justify our evil.
I have heard some people say, “I know they’re doing wrong and I know they’re doing evil, but God is using it to teach me good things, so I praise God for it.” No, you must also resist evil, pursue justice.
I had this conversation with a wife whose husband was beating her. I said, “What in the world are you doing remaining with a man who beats you and your children?” She said, “But, God is teaching me so much through this and I’m growing in my relationship with Jesus.” I said, “Well, praise be to God and be sanctified, but call the police. Have him arrested and thrown in jail. He, too, needs to be sanctified, not just you.”
We cannot allow people to continually sin in the name of our sanctification. We also must confront them and rebuke them and, when necessary, take legal recourse.
God is not making us pay him back for our sin. When we sin, God is not making us come good on our debt. And some of you, I fear when you suffer, you think, “Okay, God is beating me now because I have sinned, and that’s okay. If God beats me enough, maybe he will then love me.” No. Jesus died for your sin. He’s been punished in your place. God is not making you pay him back. We don’t believe in karma. We don’t believe in penance. We don’t believe in purgatory. We believe in Jesus.
I have read a large stack of books on suffering and evil over the years, philosophical and theological in nature, and what I will tell you is this. There are many aspects of suffering and particular illustrations of human beings’ lives that encountered much suffering that I simply will not answer because I have no answer, other than to say God is good and I trust him. And when the Bible says that we, “Know in part and we see in part”, that’s true. And that, “When we see Jesus, it’ll all make sense.” That’s true. When Paul asks elsewhere his rhetorical question, “Who has known the mind of the Lord?”, he’s not expecting any of us to raise our hand, but to simply say, “Not I.” There are things that you will not understand regarding even your personal suffering until you see the face of Jesus.
Suffering is not beyond the goodness of a sovereign God. That God, ultimately, uses everything. That God, ultimately, works through everything. That God takes even that which is horrendous and eventually, because of his goodness and sovereign power, uses it for beauty. We believe that, and if we cease to believe that, we lose all hope. Romans 8:28, Paul says it this way. “We know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose.” In all things, God eventually works it out for his redemptive good. There’s an illustration of this in Genesis 50:20 where Joseph, looking at his brothers who sought to destroy him, said, “What you intended for me was evil, but God used it for good and the saving of many lives.”
The same thing happened with Jesus. Judas betrayed him. False witnesses came forward to falsely accuse him, and the greatest tragedy, injustice and evil in the history of the world was created and God used it for much good and the saving of many lives, including my own. And, occasionally, that ultimate redemptive good that will be fully unveiled in the Kingdom breaks forth into the earth so that you and I would have moments of hope and clarity that God is not done. That God will, ultimately, right all wrongs and straighten all that has been made crooked, and bring justice in the end.
As a coda to this sermon and others in the series, there was a video that told the remarkable story of Charlotte Elliott, which we posted yesterday.
For more, check out “God’s Hand in Our Suffering,” from the Redeeming Ruthseries, and “Suffering to Worship,” from the Trial series on 1 and 2 Peter.
Foto: http://www.boyofblue.com/cameras/hiv/photos/photo01.html#anchor
La verdad es que sí me preocupa recibir baldes y más baldes de todo tipo de información todos los días. Es natural, creo, querer conocer y entender lo mejor posible a mi mundo. Es cosa de atreverse a la primera pregunta para convertirse en un curioso irremediable. De un periódico a otro; la recomendación de un tweet; la noticia sugerida en facebook; la reflexión de un post en un blog, y así sucesivamente, se pasan las horas, se enrojecen los ojos y nos preguntamos por qué cada año nos aumenta la graduación de la vista. Qué bueno diré, que en algo útil se esté gastando. Pero, a la vez, también me inquieta el calibre y la calidad de mi filtro visual. ¿Todo lo que leo me será útil?, ¿con qué debo quedarme?, ¿estoy absorbiendo engaño o es esto real?, ¿me sirve; es de provecho –porque para desperdiciar el tiempo en cosas banales sobran las invitaciones-? En esto mismo sentido, he leído no sé cuántas veces el primer capítulo de Proverbios pero, como siempre pasa con los pasajes de la Biblia, le encontré nuevo sabor a una porción anteriormente revisada: el verso 4. Una vez más compruebo mi ignorancia y redescubro la palabra “sagacidad” a concederse a los simples si es que se someten a Jehová (verso 7). El sinónimo de esta palabra, la prudencia, me dice que es “discernir y distinguir lo que es bueno o malo, para seguirlo o huir de ello.”
Me quedo con la recomendación de buscar y atender a Jehová antes que a nada o nadie para reconocer entre lo bueno y lo malo. Esta es la clave, éste es mi filtro preciso.
Posted: 25 Nov 2010 11:30 PM PST
By Michael Oh
Have you ever thought about why you were born into your particular circumstances? If you are reading this blog entry you are most likely a Christian whose life has been purchased by the precious blood of Jesus Christ. You are also likely relatively wealthy, at least compared to most people living in the world. If you have the ability to eat three times per day and have shelter over your head, you are better off than many people in the world. If you earn $25,000 per year, you are the richest 10% of the world. You are rich. In fact if you earn $2,200 per year you are the richest 15% of the world. If you reading this you are literate and likely had several years of education. If so you have received more education than hundreds of millions of people around the world. Perhaps you have gone to college, even graduate school.
So why? Why you? Why your particular circumstances? There are people around the world who might be asking the same questions. Wondering why they weren't born in America. Wondering why they can't eat three times per day, why they don't have the luxury of throwing food away. Wondering what it would be like to go to school or attend college or even read. Wondering what a warm bed feels like.
You could have been born as an impoverished child in an unreached nation. Perhaps as a girl born into a Muslim family where you would be forbidden to show anything beyond what can be seen through the eye slits of your veil and could be beaten if you disobeyed even the simplest command of your father. You could have been born in a remote village in Vietnam with little food or education and no opportunity to hear the Gospel of Jesus Christ. You could have been born as a girl in Africa who will eventually be sold by your parents into sexual slavery. That could have been you.
But it's not you. Instead you were born into privileged circumstances. Blessed physically, educationally, financially, and spiritually. Why? Only by the grace of God. What is our response then to such blessing and grace?
Certainly God calls us to be thankful. But too few of us are. We take for granted the blessings that we have received from God. Instead of thanksgiving for what we have received, we complain about and lust after the things that we don't have. We covet what our neighbors have. We idolize material things. We are surrounded by clear, tangible, practical blessings from God that should be so easily recognized and enjoyed. But our eyes and hearts are too often and too easily diverted toward what we don't have by the power and persuasion of advertising and social pressure. Lord, forgive us for our lack of thanksgiving!
And another crucial response to God's blessings and grace in our lives should be to look to share with those in need. Rather than looking at our own circumstances and then the unfortunate circumstances of others and saying, "Thank God I'm not them!" We need to recognize that our circumstances are by the grace of God alone in order that the grace of God might spread from us to others. This is certainly true in care of the global poor. If Christians would simply tithe it is said that the global church would have sufficient funds to solve world poverty. Many Christians in developed nations of the world are growing more and more wealthy. But at the same time as wealth grows, the percentage of giving is decreasing. Giving among Christians was higher during the Great Depression than it is today. That shows that many Christians see offering as more of a tax than an act of worship and a response of thanksgiving.
But even more important is the response of sharing spiritual blessing with the unreached peoples of the world. If YOU were born into a fundamentalist Islamic family what would YOU want Christians in America to do? If YOU were born into a family of a Shinto priest, how would YOU want Christians in America to respond? Knowing what you know today, certainly you would want them to share with you about eternal life through the Savior of the world Jesus Christ. Certainly you would want them to bring the Gospel to their nation and teach them about salvation for their souls and about eternal life. Certainly you would want churches and Christians in other nations to sacrifice financially to send missionaries to teach you the Bible, God's Word to this world.
But again, by the grace of God, you WEREN'T born into those circumstances. You were born into your own. So you can ignore what COULD HAVE BEEN and just continue in the circumstances you have been given by God's grace. Or you can choose to recognize that you are who you are, that you are saved, that you are blessed, that you are undeservedly loved— only by the grace of God— and choose to do all that is in your power to help those in need. To invest the blessing of your education for those who have none. To invest the blessing of your finances to help those who have little or none. To invest your spiritually blessed life to help those around the world who are lost without Christ to hear the good news of Jesus Christ.
Takanori Oba is a young man who was born in Japan, the largest unreached nation of the world. He was born to a father who when he would get drunk took out his anger by beating his son and throwing golf balls at his head. In the evening when his father returned to their apartment Takanori would quickly turn out his light and pretend to be sleeping hoping to avoid a whipping by his father's belt. Perhaps you are thinking, "Thank God that I wasn't born into a life like his." Eventually Takanori and his mother escaped their father and home to start a new life. Years later the grace of God reached down to Takanori Oba and saved his soul. He later became the first graduate of Christ Bible Seminary in Nagoya, Japan where I serve as president. During the second year of his studies he was able to visit his abusive father, seeing him for the first time in over 15 years. When he saw his father, God gave Taka a logic-defying compassion for the man who had caused him such pain.
Decía cierto hombre, a forma de paráfrasis, que lo único que quería era libertad de aquel pecado que tanto lo avergonzaba. Anhelaba desesperadamente no caer ya más. Pero no lo veía a Él; en su corazón no entendía que el peor mal que estaba cometiendo en vida era no amar a Dios con todo su corazón, mente y fuerzas. Que, como dice el verso, es éste el primero y más importante mandamiento. Su ídolo era la libertad, no Dios.
Cómo me ha tocado esto, pues cuántas veces creemos acercarnos correctamente a Dios. Secretamente anhelando sólo mire de reojo nuestros otros ídolos: deseos de paz, bienestar, prosperidad, libertad, para que pronto atienda nuestros ruegos. Dios merece nos arrodillemos ante Él porque es Santo, Digno de todo loor sin importar si decide a nosotros inclinar o no su oído. Si llegásemos a recibir algo, es añadidura.
Tarde en entender, debo admitir, aquella parábola de Mateo 20 donde el padre de familia paga distintos salarios a sus obreros, porque dice: “¿No me es lícito hacer lo que quiero con lo mío?” El que Dios nos ame es un regalo extraordinario; el que nos perdone y entable una relación con nosotros en Jesucristo es mucho más que sublime. Nunca será normal, jamás, que el Creador haya decidido estrechar su mano a tan viles seres.
Las palabras del aquel famoso predicador que siempre retumbarán en mi mente: Si Dios decidiera al final de cuentas venir y destruir a toda humanidad… Dios, Dios seguiría siendo bueno. Pero como su Palabra es veraz, promete no sucederá.
Contra ti, contra ti solo he pecado,
Y he hecho lo malo delante de tus ojos;
Para que seas reconocido justo en tu palabra,
Y tenido por puro en tu juicio.
Salmo 51:4
Por cada una de tus bondades inmerecidas a mi alma; por hacerme más que feliz cuando me escogiste y atrajiste a Ti. Dios mío, gracias porque has decidido mirarme, porque al saberte conmigo alegras las salidas de todas mis mañanas y tardes (Salmo 65).
Foto: http://flickriver.com/photos/gapey/sets/72157602149093728/
Posted By Jasmine Baucham on November 19, 2010
“You have to demand respect!”
These words, uttered passionately into my cellphone earlier this week, have driven me from blog-hiding to write about a topic that is near and dear to my heart these days (quite largely because of that passionate conversation): boundaries and respect in male/female relationships.
Respect may seem an odd topic for me to cover on a blog called Ladies Against Feminism, because it is usually assumed that women who do not embrace feminism to not demand respect from the men in their lives. And, while it’s true that my advice to my friend (who I shall call “Annie,” because that’s the name of one of my favorite songs, and Annie is one of my favorite people) was not to call up the young man who had wronged her and read him his rights… I do believe that women who embrace femininity can demand respect without emasculating the men in their lives; in fact, on the contrary, I believe that the way the we can command respect will affirm their masculinity.
Rejecting the fruits of the sexual revolution, I’m an old-fashioned girl… but old-fashioned doesn’t equal doormat.
You see, Annie had this friend… this male friend. And this male friend would call Annie at odd hours to talk to her about what was on his heart. He treated her differently than he treated other girls. Usually guarded, he was open to her. Though, if you would have asked both of them what their relationship status was, they would have told you emphatically that they were only friends, this young man’s behavior gave Annie reason to hope for more. And then, he stopped calling her and started calling someone else. And why shouldn’t he? They were “just friends” after all.
Annie was crushed.
Perhaps Annie and I are both naive (in fact, there’s no “perhaps” about my naivety -the older I get, the more proof of it I see), I definitely understood where she was coming from: young, single men, perhaps, aren’t aware of what they have the ability to do to the hearts of young, single women when they invest large amounts of time and particular attention into cultivating relationships with them.
Since this article is directed at women, I can not preach at young men. I cannot say, for instance, Listen: if you are giving preferred attention to any young woman in your acquaintance -if you would, perhaps, call her your “best friend,” and if she is a woman to whom you can talk about “anything that’s on your heart”… either marry the girl or leave her alone, because what you have in this relationship is all of the benefits of commitment without the actual ring.
Since I cannot say something like that (and because it takes two to tango: it’s not entirely the man’s fault), instead, I talked to Annie about boundaries and clearly-defined relationships. To do so, I took a page from Elisabeth Elliot’s Passion and Purity:
The custom of ‘going steady’ is another form that impatience takes. The couple are not ready for marriage or even for the public commitment that engagement ought to entail, but neither are they ready to leave each other in God’s hands, “in the sublime keeping of the general and unspecific belief that God is answering our prayers in His own time and way.” Each clutches the other, fearful lest he “get away.”
Unless a man is prepared to ask a woman to be his wife, what right has he to claim her exclusive attention? Unless she has been asked to marry him, why would a sensible woman promise any man her exclusive attention? If, when the time has come for a commitment, he is not man enough to ask her to marry him, she should give him no reason to presume she belongs to him.
My friend had fallen prey to a young man who, though not ready for long-term commitment, wanted the benefit of having a loving, affirming relationship with a young woman. While I do not think that his intent was at all malicious, his actions were: Annie saw the makings of a long-term relationship; he saw the meeting of a temporary need.
So, what could Annie have done differently?
1) Annie could have set up boundaries by not answering the phone. I’m a girl, too, so I know -I know! -how tempting it is to let a young man take advantage. No, he hasn’t given you any sign of commitment… but he just needs some good advice from a sister in Christ! He needs a shoulder to cry on! He needs affirmation!
He needs a Titus 2 relationship with an older man, not to strengthen emotional bonds with a girl that he has no intention of marrying. A book that has helped me learn about emotional boundaries is Heather Paulsen’s Emotional Purity. I saw myself in more than one of the main characters of her anecdotes, and it stung, but it has helped me to grasp the dangers of premature emotional intimacy.
2) Annie could have kept things in perspective. If this young man had not gone through the proper channels to make his interest known, she had no reason to believe that he was going to move beyond friendship. In Annie’s home, if a young man wants to go out on a date, he has to ask her dad first. Unless this young man had asked, she had no reason to believe he was serious. She let his words fool her instead of waiting for his actions to confirm them. In Girls Gone Wise, Mary Kassian talks about waiting for young men to lead in relationships.
3) Annie could have embraced accountability. I mean, if she would have called me, I would have told her to tell that guy to hit the road! ‘Nough said. 
All right, but, really: Annie could have discussed her standards frankly and openly with her parents: was she truly guarding her heart? Was she setting herself up for disappointment? Was she allowing this young man too much freedom with her?
You might be thinking like I used to think about things like these: if I set up boundaries, won’t I lose my male friends? That has, in some instances, been the case. But what better test of a young man’s character than to see if he only wants to be your friend to fulfill his needs… or if he is willing to protect your heart? What better test of a young man’s affection than to see if he will stick around even when he learns that you are serious about relationships, and you don’t allow men to toy with your affections?
The kind of young man we want won’t be trying to get in through the back door: he will be willing to go through the proper channels to claim a heart, and his primary focus will not be his selfish desire to be near us, but a selfless desire to protect us, even at the risk of his own whims. How do I know? Because if I want a husband who is willing to lay down his life for me (Ephesians 5:22ff), then I need to look for a beau who is willing to lay aside his own immediate desires.
Annie was sweet to let me use her story as a catalyst for this article, but I would be grossly dishonest if I said that I hadn’t made the same mistakes. It was all too easy to empathize with my friend’s confusion: even though neither of us “date around,” we can still leave ourselves open for heartache when we allow the lines in our relationships to become blurred and try to rush things. We wouldn’t trade the peace and simplicity that comes from having well-defined standards in relationships… but we sometimes forget how hard we have to work for that peace.
Since neither Annie nor I are going to start avoiding friendships with young men altogether… we simply need to learn to keep boundaries in our friendships. That means not taking advantage of our male friends as well (or not allowing them to be godly friends in the proper context).
Biblical femininity elevates the importance of protecting a young woman’s heart, and the importance of behaving around young men in a way that demands respect. I am nobody’s gal-pal: I’m a sister in Christ who knows how to handle her heart with care. And, as for me and my friend Annie, if you want these hearts, you’re going to have to ask for them the right way.
http://www.ladiesagainstfeminism.com/biblical-womanhood/the-boundaries-of-a-wise-heart/
Veronika decide morir (2009)… y saben, no solo entendí por qué sino, me llegó hasta cierto punto lógica su decisión. Con tan solo meditar en las primeras palabras de su reflexión en el inicio de la película.
Coinciden en mi día esta adaptación y un pasaje bíblico que me compartieron: “… Maldito el varón que confía en el hombre, y pone carne por su brazo, y su corazón se aparta de Jehová" Jeremías 17:5. Aunque poética la esperanza que resurge en Veronika en el amor que encuentra en otro joven igualmente trastornado, le vislumbro un destino igualmente trágico: el que se cumple al depositar la confianza en las cosas creadas ( y no en el Creador). Aunque cruel de siquiera pronunciar, fatal es depositar en otra persona nuestra más profunda sed.
Tu misericordia, dice David, es mejor que la vida. Que la misma vida… que la misma vida me repito y sigo pensando. De todo lo que en ella se espera, se añora, emociona, se anhela, se alcanza, se inicia y termina. Que toda ella. Que lo que en ella nos ha hecho sonreír, llorar, perder y valorar lo consiguiente… es mejor dice, es mejor que lo más que podamos imaginar. Estas palabras de uno de los hombres más grandes de toda la historia. No se le privó nada, y concluye aún, la misericordia de Dios es mejor.
Despierto todos los días y no deja de maravillarme que el Creador de las galaxias sobre galaxias. Cielos sobre cielos… el universo y más allá, en su MISERICORDIA ha decido morar en mí a través de Jesucristo.
Tu misericordia, digo, tu misericordia es mejor.
El otro día estando ya listísima para recibir mi postre me trae la mesera un pedazo de pie de queso. Como me vio con cara de confusión y titubeo se me acerca de nuevo y me pregunta si “encontraba bien mi orden”. Los primeros segundos no supe qué contestar, pero finalmente me animé a preguntarle, no asegurarle, si en efecto lo había pedido de queso y no de limón como imaginé. Volteo con lo demás de mi mesa pero la verdad es que nadie pudo respaldarme. No se atreven y los entiendo. Tantas veces me han tenido que corregir. Como en otras ocasiones, recibo de la mesera una de esas sonrisas entremezcladas con ternura y compasión. No hay problema, me cambian mi postre sin más. Los demás en la mesa sueltan la carcajada. No por la confusión de la orden que a todo momento y en todo restorán se da, sino por mi cara de frustración. Y es que con este ejemplo puedo extrapolar el fluir de mis días. Habrá casos más graves, lo sé, hay sujetos que ni recordarán su nombre, pero el mío es tal que me preocupa no estar segura ni de mis propias palabras de hace unos segundos. Y qué decir de mis experiencias más serias, pero por hoy me quedaré con este ejemplo de limón. Es muy extraño asegurarme y reasegurarme de todo lo que recibo, asimilo y proyecto. Dudar de mis pensamientos, de mis acciones. Pero verás, no me desespero, he descansado en un Dios perfecto en diseño y propósito. No para que se mofe de mí, y si acaso se ríe siempre lo hace con mucho amor, sino para que conozca todos los días de mi vida que entre más dependa de Él, mis pasos tomarán mejor dirección. Y en toda aquellas experiencias donde caiga o esté a punto por distraída, ver cómo me toma de su firme y tierna mano para decirme: “Alma… Alma, voltea, es por acá”.
Foto: http://mybyrdhouse.blogspot.com/2009/06/sour-cream-lemon-pie.html
